Somthing to gain

My mind is spinning fast
I get up as i fall to the floor
My eyes are getting blurry
i don't know what I'm living for

I stand up just once more
I make my way to the bathroom
Its a place that I've lately called home
Its where i meet my doom

I walk in and lock the door
I grab my razor from its hidden place
I pull my sleeve up
As the razor touches my wrist with so much grace

I pull it across my skin
I get this sensation deep inside
But all i feel is guilt and regret
I just want to crawl away and hide

I throw the razor across the room
As i silently say
This isn't me anymore what am i doing
This isn't my only way

I pull out my sacred book
Writing down all my hurt all my pain
saying how i so badly want to die
I know somewhere theres still something to gain

* not sure comment please