Cold Melancholy

I cannot feel anything,
No loving ache or heart wrenching anger,
I can feel immense sadness or hopeless longing,
Since the night I could of had,
That which I wanted,
but did not take,
A void-filling kiss I did not partake,
Yearning for something I had and lost,
but when I could have it again, the melancholy,
the loneliness that had no place beside what should of been joy,
it came choking my throat and leaving me empty,
On the lake of crystal pearls,
Sliding on knives of depression,
The cold took me and froze my heart,
Maddenly blind the chaos unleashed,
angry spirits of angst and bleeding hearts flew,
jealously blocking my view,
confusing tearing off my ears,
A fight I did not start nor partake in continued,
enveloping more than angry strifes,
it caused my body to scream and cry for blood,
love and friendship based on my insecurities held me back,
because I thought maybe they meant something to more then just me,
escaping chaos began a new journey,
a winding road of too much thought,
the stretch of muscle and sinew,
and then the closed door,
breaking me off from what I could of had but did not take