I Lost Control

So tired I cannot even think,
My body has lost control,
I shake the dice one more time,
To see which way they will roll.

My life is up for grabs,
I'm trying to keep my mind,
I feel like death is upon me,
Sneaking up from behind.

Adrenaline is keeping me awake,
Nerves standing on their ends,
I've lost touch with all sanity,
Family, thoughts, and friends.

I've crawled back in a hole,
There it is pitch black,
Hoping no one will see me,
And move in for the attack.

Maybe its sleep I am needing,
Just an hour or two,
For I have been awake for 37 now,
Naturally, no drugs to do.

Am I an insomniac?
Or is this the turn I've took?
Dwelling on all the bad,
Not giving good a second look?

I need to get ahold of things,
For I cant simply give in.
I have a daughter that depends on me,
For her I have to win.

Maybe things will be different tomorrow,
I've been saying that for two years.
For now I'll cry myself to sleep,
Drift away, while counting the tears.