Disgust Feeling

Every time I see you,
I get this feeling inside.
A feeling of disgust,
Of being capsized.
Remembering how much damage,
You made in the past.
Betraying me with my love.
Our friendship didn’t last.
Its like I hate you,
But that’s too strong to say.
Maybe it’s less than hatred,
It could be shame.
I have tried millions of times,
To leave all this behind me,
But every single time,
I get this damn bad feeling.
My stomach drops when I see you.
I feel sick and want to puke.
I want to grab you,
And slit your neck.
I’m talking crazy.
What is next?
I must have really loved him,
Because I hate what you did.
Or maybe I cared too much about you.
I can’t rewind nor control all of this.
Trust me if I could, I would.
I need to deal with it.
For now I’ll keep trying and trying,
To let go of what I miss,
And this anger or whatever,
Because I am sick with it.
I just wanted to have you both.
A good friend by my side,
I thought it would be you.
You had fit that list of mine.
And I treated you like my own sister.
Not forgetting that certain time.
When that guy tore your heart,
I drove to your house that night.
Gave you the biggest hug of my life.
And told you things would turn out fine.
I got worried and scared for you.
I just cared so much.
And miss the love I gave you.
I miss the way we talked.
The way you always had my back,
And made me laugh….
Our friendship got lost.
This all makes me sad.
It had to be this way…
A guy entwined what we had.
And you had to play the game.
I wanted him too,
To always be true,
But he did me wrong,
He played with you along.
In the out it was just affection,
But within it was falsification.
He drove me insane,
I got sick with the jealousy.
Never did I understand,
Why I held so much envy?
I wanted to burn every girl,
That touched him basically.
Including you, the new enemy.
So, enough with this whole story.
It does not bring much glory.
I’m only trying to get to the point..
I hate that I don't have,
Either one of the two of you.
And I see you ever damn day,
And each day I feel this pain.
So I thought I would type this up,
To see if it would ease me.
Because I have tried everything,
Talking about it and screaming.
Nothing works, nothing helps.
I just care about you still…
Though I can't seem to control,
The disgust I feel for you within....