by Unrequited Mar 14, 2005
category :
Sadness, depression /
about death
In my dreams the sky is gray |
by nightschild
Another excellent poem |
by Sean Allen
I enjoyed it. I'd say that the only part that bothered me at all was the goodnight tonight rhyme used at the ending of the last stanza... That sort of rhyming always bothered me because it sounds like you're repeating the same work twice (most likely because they are both compound words, which is a shame). I would have greatly prefered it if you just got rid of that rhyme altogether, although you might find something to replace it if you are inclined to do so. |
by Sean Allen
I enjoyed it. I'd say that the only part that bothered me at all was the goodnight tonight rhyme used at the ending of the last stanza... That sort of rhyming always bothered me because it sounds like you're repeating the same work twice (most likely because they are both compound words, which is a shame). I would have greatly prefered it if you just got rid of that rhyme altogether, although you might find something to replace it if you are inclined to do so. |
(claps) well done, great flow and rhyme scheme. Great emotion put into it, great job. ^_^x |
by Rolo
It was deep, but the flow was off. A lot of the rhyming was forced and a lot of the content was repeated. It could use some work, but it does have potential. Keep writing. |