Haunting Guilt

*please stick with it as its long

My key opens the door
I step in to find everything is as it was before
Nothing has changed since I went
Time away was not usefully spent
Same old messages on my phone
All I wish to be is alone
Maybe it is easier to disappear on a plane
Never to return again
But I can’t keep running away
Or I will never find the strength to make it through another day
Tomorrow is another day to think of my next move
Will I ever make this life more smooth
Or am I condemned to stay in this place
Hiding from each and every familiar face
We will never be able to change the past
Disappearing will not make the good memories last
Coming back home proves that I must face my fear
I will shed no more tears
I am frightened to let go
It’s amazing how life is like a flames glow
One minute it is shining bright
Then the next it is gone never to burn another day or night
You left this life before you’re time
I wish I could make everything fine
They tell me how sorry they are
But I was the one driving that car
They will never know how it is to feel the guilt
Or to see how life’s colours were dramatically spilt
I keep telling myself it was not my fault
But I can’t escape from this vault
I wish I died on that night
Maybe I wouldn’t have these nightmares that end in fright
If only I could say goodbye to you
Them maybe these feeling would become untrue
It is so hard to say goodbye when you laughter echo’s on
One day you will be totally gone
But for now I will find that strength deep inside
No longer will I hide

*this never happened to me, thanks for reading