Still Alive

Through my eyes I cried
A thousand words without delay
And through my soul I touched
Quite a few hearts today

It’s true about my mistakes
And the people that I upset
Because I tossed around careless words
Words I regret

I cried you an ocean
And found myself at a loss for words
And even if I tried to speak
I couldn’t tell you how bad it hurts

Let me just tell you
That at one time I was pure
I remember myself as that happy girl
But now with happiness I’m unsure

It all looks so strange to me
That girl I see on the tape
So young, free and careless
Before she wanted to escape

And I look at myself in the mirror
Again, at a loss for tongue
I wasn’t who I thought I was
No longer am I young

I read my former popular poems
They tend to be about suicide
About how my main character was so much like me
But I killed them off, they died

And I hated that I did this
I guess that’s just how I feel
But I don’t know who I am anymore
I can’t tell which pain in real

Because my dreams are of my past
And my errors I continue to make
They tend to be about the men
Who leave my heart to break

And at times I feel so stressed
Put on the spot
At thing that are in my past
And the things I forgot

So if this poem confused you
I’m sorry, it did me too
Because I no longer know who I am
I don’t think that I know you

I’m in a constant daze
I think that I’ve gone crazy
My mind refuses to work
Every part of me is lazy

But with the support I’ve received
And many threatening comments I’ve read
I am so proud, I show pride
In the fact that only a part of me is dead.

-So very true. I don\'t know why I do the things I do and I don\'t know how I can ask anyone to forgive me because I hate myself more than you\'ll ever know. I hate the fact that I get so carried away and can\'t focus, and that\'s what I did last night when I scared you all, and I feel more sorrow that i hurt you all, more than I feel towards myself. NONE of you deserved that, not even you, Nick. I\'m sorry if I scared any of you but I\'m still here and I want to focus of that and not worry that my own mom told me when I was seven that she knew that one day I was going to commit suicide. I don\'t want to think about it, so I don\'t think any of you should either. Don\'t be scared for me, please. Hopefully death won\'t catch up to me until I\'m an old woman. Thank you all, and I mean ALL of you, for being my moral support and looking out for me with great intentions and I\'m sorry I never listened. You all really do mean a lot to me and nothing I could ever say could describe how passionately i mean that!! Love you all!!-