Wish I could

I wish that I could still feel
That love for life I used to
When I could be happy and carefree
Now I do not know what to do

Wish I could love life like everybody else does
But I'm afraid because the feelings are not there
I wish I cared about myself enough to change
But I no longer really care

My problems hang around my shoulders
Pulling me down and destroying what I built
Turning me away from who I once was
Drowning me in this agony and filth

Rooted inside my mind, filled with thoughts
Devoid of true happiness feelings
Where I destroy myself with insults and words
With my life I am not dealing

So cold and lonely, caught up and sad
My life surrounded by failure and pain
Wondering as I stare at my scars
When will I just be happy again

Inside myself, Curled up in a ball on my bed
This is where my true feelings reside
Not my smile, like an item of clothing I wear to school
For that place is where I like to hide

Bleed until I have no blood left in my veins
As I scratch my arms with the knife which I need
Scratching until my skin turns red, raw and painful to touch
On this sadness those bullies do love to feed

Alone in the dark, drifting in and out
Where I cannot face being alive any longer
Wanting to be set free from the chains that hold me down
Wish I could be so much stronger