i dont think you could improve anything i realy like it :O)

thank you emily, that means heaps to me!

~*~Lucy~*~

this poem is super good, and has so much to relate to. keep up the good work!! <333

It's alright. You might want to consider using less '!', it makes the poem seem a little immature. I hope that you can sort out your problems and if you ever need someone to talk to, you can always contact me. Stay strong.

that was excellent!!!!!!

I don't try at school, couldn't care about home, don't belong anywhere
my body just roams!,

i loved those lines, they flowed really well. your a talented writter n im gona add u 2 my fave list 2. awsome work!
>>5/5<<
bec

wow your poems are so sad! nice work! i like your stuff, this one was really good too! comment 3 of 5!!

whoa.. this poem was beautiful. packed full of emotion. im so sorry if its true. 5/5

Hey lucy.. this was another amazing yet sad poems! i really loved every poem that i read of yours so keep writing so i can keep reading. 5/5!

Wow, another nice poem, and i think u wrote ur feelings as it is so deep, another 5/5 poem, keep it up

HI Lucy, I wish you would have ended the poem with " I woke up that night
with an almighty scream "
It was then that I realised, it was a
terrible terrible dream.

I like your style of poetry......Success

Gor.

Ok well sorry to say but all the people that say you have nothing to work on are idiots because I don't believe in perfect everything could be better. don't you agree? well now their are things in free write but I cannot remember what they are called but it has to do with the sylables sounding alike to make a nice flow with the words. example: "to all the apparatus that befall the baren waste of a human" now notice the "a" being repeated I'm not saying it flows nice but more just giving you an example to help you work on things. and you should really start rhyming it actually works a different part of your brain and if you exercise it you will be able to express things unlike you've ever been able to. The poems I have up are old so I can't lead by example, but I hope what I said could be of help, and excessive use of exlamation does not show matureity only feeling, maybe they should work on how to portray the real meaning of the poems they read... by the way i love the feeling in your poems you deffinatly are a beautifil seed. thanks for caring it means alot to me but that poem was fictional. lol but I'll keep that in mind...thank you for showing that their is still some compassion in this world