What Is Today?

What is today but another tear streaming down my face,
unweaving the covering of my heart encrypted with linen and lace,
i can not do this anymore, no longer want to play this game,
these feelings deep within i am longer able to tame.

What is today but another slit dripping with my ice-cold blood,
tired of these feelings within me trying to over-flood,
What is the point of living this f u c k i n g life if all we are doing is living to die?
But yet everyone is wanting to live and i just can not understand why.

What is today but another living nightmare,
these thoughts and feelings of suicide to wear,
losing everything that ever mattered to me and never gaining anything,
trying to fly but having nothing but scabbed wings.

What is today but another fake smile plastered upon my lips,
i am like a slaving waitress to this customer of life, never receiving any tips,
but here i am, standing in front of my boss telling him that i quit,
One second later i am laying on the ground with a bleeding lip.

What is today but another day of Lucifer telling me i have to keep living this pain,
he has now driven me insane,
not knowing what else to do, i get down on my knees and pray,
asking for someone to end my life today.

What is today but another day of crying myself to sleep,
another day of cutting the razor blade into my flesh deep,
pass out unconscious from the loss of life,
creating yet another strife.

What is today but another day waking up having regrets,
no ever ending up dead,
I put on my long sleeved sweater and fake smile again,
they all say this is a phase and it will end, but when?

What is today but another day of attempting suicide,
nowhere to run and hide,
i have lost my soul and cracked my heart,
and now, it is up to me to create a new start.

© Jenna Elphick
March 23 2005