How i feel

I walk around all day with a smile
When I get home everything is different
When I am alone nothing is the same
I take out the knife and make a fountain appear
I think to myself how I don’t wanna be here
I think to myself how I am sick of pretending
I tell myself things will get better with time
I realize I don’t wanna wait for that
I take the knife back out and do it again
I listen to people tell me not to
But inside I am thinking if only they knew
I want to tell people the way I feel
But I am afraid of what they will do
I love my friends and they love me but
If only they could see me when I am alone
If they could see me they would understand
They would understand that all day I am pretending
They would know how I feel all day…alone
I wish they could see me alone
I want them to understand but they can’t
I want them to know everything about me but they can’t
But what I really want most no one will ever know