My Life

Never good enough for anyone, not even myself.
Suddenly life's a blur,
Maybe it's these tears constantly falling from my eyes.
Nothing makes sense anymore,
I wish I could go back to when I was really young,
Back when I knew right from wrong, black from white.
Now I live in a world of gray.
Things can go either way now; I just hope that I've chosen the right path.
I've wanted to end this journey for a few years now,
Sorrow, depression, these are all I feel now.
Always fighting to feel accepted but nothing satisfies me,
There's an empty feeling inside of me that never seems to go away.
Suddenly I can't breathe anymore.
Pressure from parents and peers,
I can't handle this.
No one knows the pain I've been feeling and fighting for so long.
I'm surprised I've made it until now.
I can be surrounded by so many people,
And still, I feel so alone.
No one understands how it feels,
Every morning I wake, distraught I'm still living,
Wishing something would happen to hush my pain and put this awful life to rest.
And every night I lay awake, crying out to end it all now.
I look at the knife in my hand.
This is my answer.
Suddenly, my head starts to spin, memories flash like a slideshow before me,
And there he is,
The one I've been living for.
I can mean nothing at all to him, but still he's my world.
He was the first,
Without him, I'm incomplete.
That night, lying in his arms,
That was the safest I've ever felt, the happiest I've ever been.
Lost in his eyes I could stay forever,
But then, reality hits.
I'm back in my room,
Alone in the dark trembling in the corner, drenched in my river of tears
At first I hold the knife in my hand.
Then I start feel its sharp edge against my wrist.
I feel it pierce through, blood streams down,
My heart starts to throb, but in a relieving way.
I can feel myself letting go of everything around.