My true feelings

I don’t know what I feel anymore
I am like someone lost on a tropical island
I don’t know what to do, or what to say
Every time I look into yours eyes I see hate
There is no one to blame, but myself
I have caused so much hurt and grief
How will any of you forgive me?
My true feelings don’t exists
Nothing about me is true
My whole life I have lived a lie
Out of all the people I choose to hurt
It had to be you because you made me feel important
And didn’t walk on top of my like dirt
Everything is upside down
Even your pretty smile
Thanks to me, you call me a jerk
Things I said were only to prevent me from getting hurt
Friends, we would be better off being
I know this may hurt
But there is so much about me you don’t know
I can’t explain now, I may never
Everything on the outside of me is a lie
On the inside everything is dark and confusing
Something you don’t need to deal with, yet
I am scared of commitment
Well I am really scared of many things
Even you, I know this sounds stupid
But I am not ready for this kind of relationship
Not with you, not with anyone
There is no body else
Because they to, would get this note
I love you
I can still proudly say that
If anything happened to you
I would be lost
And even more darkness would build inside
You see someday soon its all going to explode
And I don’t want you to see that side of me
I don’t want anyone to see that side of me
I am not as pretty as you all say
And after I pass I know you to will realize this
But for now I want to keep you away
But at the same time close
I want you to know I love you and always will
Love isn’t something that comes day by day
It is something that grows and becomes stronger everyday
And it will never fade away… not even after I am gone
~Amanda Lee Earl~