It Would Be Perfect

I planned it
Every detail
The littlest thing
I had it all
Planned out
It would be perfect

The knife
The one in the back
With the small blade
It’s the sharpest
Small white handle
That would soon turn red
It would be perfect

I’d play a song
Keep it on repeat
“We’re All To Blame”
It’s the best way
To point out
That it was everybody’s fault
Everybody’s to blame
It would be perfect

I’d wear my Sid shirt
My favorite shirt
My Glow jeans
And don’t forget
My two necklaces
Around my neck
As always
It would be perfect

They’d find me
Laying on the floor
Laid out
With my hand
Next to my face
And my phone
Inches from my hand
Like so many other nights
Just like that one
It would be perfect

I’d leave a note
With a single drop of blood
Just like a signature
But more meaning
I’d explain everything
Tell them
“Read my poems”
And then they’d understand
They’d know
How much I hurt
It would be perfect

When I was ready
I’d take the knife
Not just to my wrists
I’d follow my veins
Start at my wrists
And work up my arms
Open me up
And let everything out
Let out the pain and regrets
It would be perfect

It wouldn’t take long
The pain would soon end
I’d start to lose feeling
Then my sight
Things would fade
Wouldn’t hear the music
Would only hear
My ceasing heart
But the whole time
I would smell the blood
Taste it in the air
It would be perfect

I planned it all
Pictured it all
Then I was saved
Dragged out of it
And I was happy
But now
I’ve pictured it again
And all I can think of
Is how perfect
It would have been

*so i didn't actually want "we're all to blame" by sum 41 to be playing. i actually wanted "pieces" by sum 41 to be playing, but not many people know the lyrics, so i chose a different song to put in this poem.*