very good poem, one thing, I think it would be better if it was in stanzas... lol you dont have to listen to me though well done

i like it, has real emotion in it...just one thing, "This pain Punctures mes"
you have a s on the "me" just a little mistake thought i'd mention it...well anyways great poem keep it up! and thanks so much for your comment on mine it really meant alot!