Stuck in hell

Ive made a promise i just cant keep
I'm hurting so much inside
everything falls so deep within me
ill never know if I'm going to be ok
i cant even think straight most days
these thoughts in my head are never ending
sometimes I'm not even sure if I'm alive or dead.
i never know how to explain my feelings
councilors don't help
just bring back bad memories
I've dug myself into a hole so deep
its like I'm on the other side of the world
caught up in this rush of pain and sadness
did you know they even have medicines for these things?
like a medicine is supposed to help
help someone who cant get there life off the ground,
no one understands
people say they do
say they've went through the same thing
and can help you
well if they went through the same thing
they should know they cant help
you can only help yourself
help yourself get rid of the pains so deep
help yourself stop making crimson rivers flow down your arm
so sad lately not even the funniest joke in the world could get you to smile
you feel like your hearts being tared apart
and its not even from being broken by a boy
its from everything that's built up in you all your life
your pains
your hardships
your never ending thoughts of suicide
oh thats just a side affect of the medicine, they say
its not a side affect if you had if occur
before you even started it
i cant keep this secret to my friends,
crimson rivers flow again
i don't know how much longer i can take life
by this summer, I'm officially out of here
gone for good
no turning back
i may only be 16
but if you have this much pain at 16
you should be let free
or people should know you may die..

crappy as all hell. in a really bad mood when i wrote it......