Laughter

Some people find happiness and love from family and friends,
I'm not that kind of person,
I find love and happiness in the people who wouldn't accept me,
so I changed for them,
now I find love in her smile,
happiness in his laugh,
because people will only love me for my gift of laughter,
no matter how ill used it may be,
they find joy in my jokes,
they smile at my crazy faces,
they laugh at my attention seeking antics,
but they don't love me or care for me,
they don't care for the boy, the man, the kid,
they enjoy the facade I hide behind,
I cant make her feel happy with me unless I give her my lie,
when we kissed she didn't kiss me,
she kissed the boy who doesn't show his pain and instead makes her laugh,
maybe it is a part of me,
but it wasn't all of me, just a part,
it doesn't matter that I care for all of her,
because love is selective, choosy,
it wants to feel loved and feel happy,
then when my calls go to waste,
and half excuses keep me from her,
I know then when I tried to show her me,
she recoiled and couldn't accept,
so I return to the facade,
because is this is the only way I can find happiness,
then this way I shall take,
for who among you can deny,
that you will take the easy road to false happiness,
rather than suffer a lifetime of rejection, regret, before you found happiness is death,
for the only true happiness I see my friends,
a happiness that I can possibly obtain,
is the peace and happiness of death.