What I hold inside

As I'm hiding in the shade,
and as my body fades,
I'm here afraid,
in the darkness which I've stayed.

so as I'm here about to die,
and as i try,
to be true to myself,
i fall back down and cry,
with nightmares and lies,
so as my eyes cannot bare,
what my mind defy's,
so as i try running,
running,
away..,
I fall back down...

i cannot do this anymore,
unlike before,
where i was happy,
and adored,
but my life have changed and now, I'm ignored.

so as i try to runaway from my pain,
which i cannot stand anymore,
here i am where i remain,
so as i strain,
to be normal and maintain,
my strength,
i just fall back down,
and i cannot explain,
why I'm going insane,
and why cant there be one instance where i can finally attain,
my goal to actually be who i want to be,
and actually be me.

so as i feel like the devil is playing a game,
here i am to proclaim,
that its my fault and myself to blame.

so as everyone leaves,
in grieve,
I'm the only one here who's deceived,
so as theres no relieve,
from anyone i can conceive,
i cannot believe,
again that I'm stuck in this hole.

so as i fall into another black whole,
I'm here stuck with no soul,
so as you think I'm in control,
I'm gone without a soul.

so as i sit aside,
and as i have tried,
everything and been denied,
my pain gets worse inside,
that i cry out,
but no one listens they just deny,
so as I'm here lied at,
and as my pride,
had subside,
I'm here aside,
and try to hide,
what i hold inside.

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I hope this is good