Deceptive Whispers

I feel vibrations
Tingling my flesh from beneath
I quiver and shake
And beg to know what this is.
The vibrations concentrate
On any place they can
My body is a treasure map
And I must dig upon it;
If I don’t, the shaking stops
And silence deafens me.
No longer does my flesh crawl,
No longer do the voices speak.
I’m lost without the voices
Instructing which patch to choose
So I cry and hurt
And let the darkness know
That I’ve never felt so lost before.
When I find the places
Where the vibrations are
I plead for them to come;
For them to leave my inner soul
And venture out to join me.
The voices stop
Just as I ask
And something inside me murmurs.
I was foolish to think
That the tingling that I
Had felt underneath my shell
Was simply convulsions
Due to tears;
The quaking inside is more voices
So, needing them,
Their guidance, and
Anything they can tell me,
I let them out
Through little cuts
And marvel at their wisdom.
I wince as words
Pass through tender flesh
Newly rendered for their passage,
And tears are caught,
But just in time,
For the voices can’t hear me weeping.
If they knew
The control they have
Over every vein in my body,
I’d be filled with tingles
And I’d feel the need
To open every inch.
I’d let the words pour
Out from crimson lips,
Just dripping out
And running down
And leaving trails of sorrow
So thick and viscous
They catch my eye
And steal my gaze forever.
I can’t live without this sight;
I need these crimson smiles
To comfort me and mesmerize,
To take my attention from the pain.
The pain, or rather, twinge I feel
Deep inside my sanctuary
The one I feel inside my heart
The one whose tingle’s so familiar.
I know this feeling,
The voice beneath,
It’s hiding deep inside me,
But to let it out
Would be my end;
And, though my final question
Will have been answered
It will be too late for me to know
How to save myself
From all these voices
And keep them from returning
They tell me things,
Late some nights,
I never want to hear,
And they let me know
My death will be
The loneliest part of my life.
I’ll feel so isolated
From help and escape
And the voices will be my only companions.
While I’m alone
And the world goes dark
Things will be revealed;
The voices’ source
Will come to me
And whisper as before
The things that I
Would like to know
But this time will be different.
When, in pitch black,
My eyes open
To the voices that led me here,
I, finally, will know it all
And questions will disappear.
The price for happiness,
In this respect,
Is larger than my life,
And I say that in
A literal sense
Meaning that I will leave
And so much more.
With my death
I’ll start a chain
Of other lives at end;
Friends and those
That needed me
Have nothing else to lean on.
I will see them,
Soon again
And we will rejoin each other;
But even though
We’ve found the others
We’ll know in our hearts that we
Are still alone,
Now even more
Than the night we left our lives
And also abandoned
Someone who cared
And left them feeling alone as we did.
Now we know
That we’re at fault
And singly to blame
For another gone,
Taken prematurely,
And led to join me with my friends.
My friends,
In theory,
Are those I need,
Who were here for me every day;
So, fitting this,
My friends of whom I speak
Are the voices that followed me.
Irony has played its part
In this cruel and twisted tale
And left me knowing,
Forever and longer,
That the very things from which I fled
Are the biggest parts of me
And are the sole hopes of my survival.