Tossing It Away

I sit here
Razor in my hand
Nervous and anxious.
Waiting for the bell to ring
And signify my freedom.

Twiddling it in my fingers
Hand shaking against the cold metal.

I don’t want to part with it,
It’s become such a part of me
A chapter in my life.

But what has it done to me?
Ripped my flesh
Drank my blood
Stole my emotion from me.

Time is standing still.
Hands on the clock
Cease to move,
Turning seconds into minutes
And minutes into hours.

Watching the time
Keeping a close eye.
Knowing that every second brings
Me closer to my escape.

Nerves leap through my stomach
Churning my insides.
“How much time do we have left?”
“About seven minutes”.
Finally, time moves again.

Walking slow
Towards the door
I must savor this
Moment.

I say my good byes
And watch the blade tumble
Into the darkness.

A burden is suddenly lifted
Off my shoulders.
As metal descends
I know that I can make it to the next step
In my rehab
Without giving in again.