Will this nightmare ever end?

I cut myself and feel relieved
but not as relieved as i could be
if i was to die
go up or down
no matter what happened
it would be so much better than here

nothing is a good escape
nowhere on my body isn't scarred
and nobody cares
what i feel every day

how could you read my poems Tyrone,
why would you go through my bag?
and not only did you read them
you decided to share them around

and than you all decided it would be funny
to throw them at me in little bits
almost as small as the little bits left shattered from my heart
unwrapping the pieces
FU CK I CRACKED THE SH ITS
you laughed at my pain
like so many do
ripped up my poems
the only life within me

slowly but surely this world doesn't want me
screw this fu king joint
I wanna die lonely

maybe tonight
seems about right
so angry at myself
i mean who am i kidding
maybe he is right
maybe my poems are just one big joke
so sorry everyone for wasting your time

self esteem is so low
i don't think it could get worse
when the sun sets every night
yes! now maybe i won't get an insult until sunrise

I'm the one insulting myself
slashing my wrists to relieve my pain
watching the crimson red waterfall
the one my vein helps me create
falling into a deep sleep
never wake me
just leave me be!

(C) Lucy Green