Pure Instinct

I want to start over,
I want to begin again,
Life takes so much but doesn't give enough back,
Not enough for me to feel like I'm alive,
Not enough for the demon to rest,
My emotions wasted away in a stream of pain,
Cold ice reawakening memories,
A swing set reawakening memories,
Everything I touch and feel making me remember,
The comfort of comforting,
The fall of insecurities and running on pure instinct,
But I can't remember the most important thing,
What it felt like,
I remember that I was exhilarated,
Enthralled with my new sense of touch and taste,
But then the thoughts came,
Analytical, cold, foolish insecure thoughts,
When I loved I wanted ,
When I d I wanted to love,
Muscles straining and the metal bar beating my brow,
As I remember my tear-soaked sheets,
I've never been able to accept,
Accept joy and happiness as real, more than an illusion,
I've never seen how true love can cause internal ,
Internal desperation is so intense no liquid can cure the thirst,
Except the falling of insecurities and feeling pure instinct,
Like a wolf I prey on countless creations,
Some physical, some pure emotional,
But unlike a wolf I have words,
And my predator has words as well,
Words filled with and desolation,
Spoken in haste they cause the instinct to leave,
The wolf goes and all I have is words,
Words of desperation, of anger and of rejection,
Of personal sorrows and woes,
But the predator cruelly slashes theirs with a computed line,
The loss of a word causes even more pain,
And as I'm left, confused and fetal,
And as others say they care,
I've lost the point, the meaning, the goal,
If I ever even had it in the first place,
I used to think somehow, someday I'd make it right,
Just like the song,
But instead I learn how to crawl,
And I lose myself, behind facades, named Tom, Ben, and David,
Tom, who I could of been, me perfected,
Ben, the unknown element, the one I don't understand,
and David, me in all my pain and ripped flesh,
I him the most,
Because he remembers every feeling of rejection, from decade past,
He remembers every possible chance of redemption I didn't take,
Maybe I wont be able to handle this much longer,
Because knowing the people I want to care, don't,
Feels like a very hard burden to bear.