At Night

At night I drink
To calm my fear
So I am not drowning
In my tears

It’s a way for me
To be one with myself
To get in touch with my inner me
And it just really helps

Because I drown away my pain
And I drown away the memories
And as the alcohol touches my lips
It’s like a sudden rush for me

At night I open the bottle
And take out one two or more
Popping as many as I can
Until I hit the floor

It keeps me from bouncing off the walls
Or doing something crazy
But it still does not stop
My mind from being hazy

But some how it just makes me feel better
Like a life band aid
And whenever I am in need
I go to the cabinet and raid

At night I take this shiny object
From the kitchen drawer
And with each slice I make
I am released more

Cutting deep into this skin
With the color of crimson flowing out
Biting my lower lip from the pain
But it is nothing to me it is what I am bout

Hoping I can cut deep enough
To just end my life
It is suicide without a note
Just a bloody knife

At night I light it up
It takes away all of my issues
It makes everything feel perfect
Some people call it drug abuse

As the smoke fills the air
As well as my lungs
Something just gives me the guts
To want to pick up a gun

I take it out of the closest
And point it straight to my head
And the next morning they will find me
Laying in my bed

At night I smoke
At night I take pills
At night I drink
At night I kill