Please Mum

I can still hear her words, “You need help”
But these tears aren’t real, I’m fine you see
I will hide away again, like I always have been
A doctor or counselor could never help me

Please mum, I know you care, but I’m afraid
I would shrivel up and die, if you made me go
You’re not the first to suggest it, but I’m scared
I never wanted this, because everyone now knows

Maybe it would help me, that is what I want
But I’m now crying so many cold lonely tears
It was never meant to get as bad as it is now
I tried so hard to protect you all from my fears

Please mum, don’t tell anybody about this
I never wanted you to see all of my scars
It worries me, the things you say, I’m sorry
But at least you have only seen my arms

I don’t need to get help, I can find it on my own
I’m terrified of all the questions they will ask
Promise me that you will save me from them
What will happen if they see through my mask?

Please mum, I’m crying now because of it
I can’t take this anymore, I forgot how to care
Do not be shocked or frightened tomorrow
If you awake and this time I am no longer there

Don’t make me go, I can end this on my own
I will be stronger than I have ever been before
Just try to see how much this is killing me
I just feel like I can’t take one second more

Please mum, please forgive me, I’m sorry
For what I have done to you, I will apologize
You have to see that I cope with it anymore
I’m so sick of hiding behind these hollow lies