Starting up Again

I want to take that blade
and drag it very deep
lay in my own blood
before i go to sleep

According to my parents
I do nothing right
So i will take this blade
and slice with all my might

I can not do this
Because i told you it would end
I would not cut anymore
but the rules will have to bend

I will not try to take my life
I will only stop the hurt
Ever since God took you
I feel like i am lying in dirt

People talk about me
as if i don't know
I hear everything they say
i just don't let it show

Friends tell i will make it
and that i am strong
they do not see i am crumbling
and refuse to accept they are wrong

After being clean for months
the longest i have stopped
i can not stay clean
This knife i can not drop