I am sorry for the mess I made,
The pool of my blood all around.
The ugly sight you had to see,
The bullet buried deep in my brain.
I just wanted to end all the pain.
Pain from friends and family.
Mom I love you so very much.
I thought we were close,
In ways maybe we were.
But when it came time for me saying how I felt.
You just ignored me and told me to shut up.
You never let me say what was going on in my head.
Maybe if you have, I would not be like this today.
Dad I was never really close to you.
You cared way too much about your other daughters or your beer.
If they needed anything you jumped to it.
But as for me I had to work for it and always hear you complain about it.
If I wanted to tell you I loved you.
I always heard “what do you want?â€
Do I have to want something to tell you I love you?
Why did you always do things for them and not for me?
It does not matter now because I am no longer here.
The daughter that you did not love is gone,
Michelle what is there to say about you?
You were mom and dad favorite,
Guess what they say about the middle child is not true huh.
You always got the attention no matter what.
They would do anything for you.
What happen to my time huh?
My time to spend with mom and dad?
Guess I’ll never get that huh.
As for your husband,
Why could not he just mind his own business?
Why did he have to stick his nose in mine?
He did not have to go and tell dad about my report card.
It was none of his business.
But then I guess he likes to get me in trouble does not he.
Rachel we us to get alone
But I guess the trip to Florida messed it up huh.
Why did you say all those things about me?
You should know I am not like that.
I am not like you and Michelle.
I do not just give my body to just anyone.
See I want to wait for someone special.
Not just anyone like you and Michelle did.
You should know me better then that.
I guess you do not huh.
You know how I felt about my life,
Because you felt the same way.
The one things you do not know is,
How it feels to have your sister say something about you that she knows you would not do,
Mom I want you to play a song for me,
At my funeral.
The song called How do you get that lonely.
See the song is about me.
I am so lonely but ya’ll just did not see that did ya’ll.
Tell my friends I am sorry.
But I am better off now where I am then where I was.
In heave there is no pain see.
I won’t get hurt and I’ll be with people who love me.
Do not cry for me or feel sad.
I am in a good place.
I was just tired of getting hurt by guys, friends, and family.
I know I was not all that pretty, or all that smart.
But I was a human being for heaven sakes.
Ya’ll did not have to be all that mean.
But I guess that is does not matter much now anyway does it.
Mom I am sorry again for the mess you have to clean
But at least the mistake of the family is now gone.
Ya’ll just have ya’ll two daughters.
The ones ya’ll love so very much.
Well I’ll end this letter saying,
I am sorry for the pain I’ve caused.
I guess now ya'll see how I felt,
If only a little bit.
