For you I won't condone

I lie beneath the surface,
numb to what i feel,
my heart relentlessly screams,
too close to what is real

Forced to move closer,
to the edge with each lie,
I'm looking down and shouting,
this force i must defy,

With all my might i push,
In my mind I'm pushing you down,
Flailing fists as if it will help,
kicking you on the ground,

SHUT UP! i say to nothing,
I kick and scream and fight,
But even so you smile at me,
as if you are always right,

I want that stupid grin smacked away,
cuz i know its all your fault,
Now I'm closer to the edge,
and i continue my assault,

My lies are because of you,
i have to cover up your mistakes,
because of you i have to be aware,
of every move i make,

No one knows of the weight i carry,
and so they assume their right,
but they don't know the real reasons,
I stay up the whole night,

I wish somebody would understand,
but no, I'm all alone,
so f**k you for doing this to me,
For you i wont condone,

And so I shout my lungs out,
until they dry and bleed,
just so you get the message,
no matter how you plead,

You permanently f**ked my life up,
and no matter what i do,
I'm paying the price for your actions,
but this is nothing new..