Always losing at attempts to find and hold a woman's love,
Forced me over the years to impose my own form of exile,
Self esteem once could recover easily but as time flew by,
It couldn't take always hearing your not worthy of my love,
Scares so tender from continual rejection of a woman's love,
The exciting feeling of companionship would rise, but shut down,
Memories of pain would snuff out any desires to be rejected again,
Painfully aware of obscure desires much less my failure as a man,
Lonely nights for years spent in silence thinking what should have been,
Passionate moments spent with a woman whose desires fulfilled by me,
We would race headlong into the exotic pleasures of our unbridled love,
Just when we reach the intoxicating moment of- I awake from this dream,
So I exile myself in a world that is absent of thoughts of a woman's love,
Thinking only of the present for the past too painful and future nonexistence,
Reaching for another drink, the sedative of choice, becoming painfully numb,
I succumb to a dreamless sleep- still inside there is a flame that burns of hope.
