Dear Mother

Today had been a good day
I was feeling great
And only once wanted to cry
I spent the day with friends
But once I got home
Everything turned sour
Like it always does

Another fight
Between you and me
No one bothers to intervene
Too much of the norm
To even glance up
But how I wish they would

I've been so stressed lately
Too much going on
But you have no idea
What I've been going through
You would know
Or at least have a clue
If you just opened your eyes

Tonight's fight
Was not like the others
Although the same in context
It was the final straw
The last thing I could handle
Before breaking
It broke my heart
And it snapped my mind

When you walked out
The only thing I could think of
Is how I can't believe
I came from you
In an act of love even
If love even has meaning anymore
But then I realized
You blood is in my veins
And I wanted to drain them

I wanted to empty myself
Of everything about you
Every last drop of blood
Every last memory
Everything that associates with you
In any way

I could see every vein in my body
Every one I would have to open up
To get you out of me
And as I held my razor
With dried blood still on it
I opened up two of the veins
To at least start the process
That will never be done
Until I am cold and dead

I wanted to do more
But I'm running out of places
Where no one will see
I've gotten less cautious
But I am still aware enough
To hide them at least a bit

All I've done tonight
Has been out of pure hatred
I used to think
The only person I have truly hated
Was Josh
But now I've felt more hatred
Towards you
My own mother
Than I ever felt towards him

I hope some day you find out
About every cut I have done
Every time you've made me cry
Feel like I am worthless
And that there is no point to life
Then you will be the one crying
And you will ask for my forgiveness
But I won't grant it to you
Never in my life or yours
You will die
With this burden on your shoulders
And I won't feel bad
And I won't be sorry
For ever making you cry