It was just a poem that i produced in five minutes just sitting here and letting my fingers do the talking.

If your going to vote and give me a low score PLEASE tell me why in a comment, i am not perfect, no one is. That being said, i would really like to know where you feel i am making mistakes, i am thinking they are decent poems but i am always getting 3's lately, i wish to know some critism. Not "your a sucky writer and you don't do good" i wish to hear "maybe you could have improved on your beats abit(which is true)" so please comment or vote let me know.

hey, i really like this.....but i'm not very experienced....and i'm not good at giving advice lol....sorry....i personally like this poem, but i guess that's just my opinion...keep on writing, i think your poems are great =)....take care ~much love~

-brittnay-

Well, I think your poem is just fine!! I don't know why anyone would rate it so low......maybe some people just don't understand the rhyming couplet thing or your poem's meaning. I honestly don't see why. I gave u a 5/5 though.
*jacki*

I believe you could of wrote this one much better, your rhymes were a little too simple but your idea was cute. Love you bunches!

Heather

I Know Were Your Coming from..There Are So Many Wonderful Poets On This Site But Most People Dont Want To Be Too Harsh...Too Many people Stop Writting Because of Unexperienced And Biost Critism..so heres Mine..The Idea(The Subject) Was Brilliant..It Got Me Interested And Kept Me Interested..The Beat Or Rhythm Isnt My Typpe But Thats Because I Wrote Like In a Four Verse Set Out But Yours Was Tops..The Only Thing i Really Wanted To Say Was How About Suprising People..Add A Big Blow At The End...Something Differant That Leaves People Thinking whoa Oh I Get It Now..But thats My Opinion..My critism..Take It Or Leae But Either Way your a Great Poet..You Can Tell Its In Your Heart..Its Deep But At the Same Times Show The Soul...Well Keep Writting And Dont Ever Let Irresponsible And Judgemental critism Shoot You Down./..Check Out Mine If You Ever get The Chance..Opinions And Critism Are Totally Welcome...Thankyou For Keeping The Writting World Going..Mwa Mwa lol

I gave this a 4. I think it has the potential to be better, you just need to work on a couple things. The biggest thing IMO is your rythym.

"Our love and caring devotion
is sure to cause some commotion" has a good rythym, but it falls apart later on. Such as this line "I am glad that i was always no good for them
because now i have found true love but it isn't the end. " The second line doesn't flow right to me.

Next, in sheer honesty, the thing that always turns me off about your poems is lack of capitalization/punctuation and spelling errors. Some people don't care much about it(I didn't use to really care either; check some of the first poems I submitted) but I think a poem looks 10 times better if it's properly punctuated and all that. Run it through the spell check to catch any misspelled words.(i.e.-line 4 sooth is supposed to be soothe I think?) Just something to think on.

Other than that, it's pretty good poem, you know nothing that really stands out(like the one about the father daughter relationship, one of my favs of yours!), but very good nonetheless. The rhyme scheme is good, mostly perfect rhymes with a couple imperfect thrown into the mix keeps it from sounding redundant. And that's about it. Keep writing, everyone can improve.

Hii Darky mate : )

Fisrt ! the Title is nice, um,i loved the story,i felt like there was some sad waves,or let me say confused thoughts ! and you were like trying to collect something ! : )

um,i think i got the few first parts,until "she remembers", i got confused there ! i need your help ! : )

i didnt vote,i need to understand the whole idea First !

Take care mate xoxo
Rua Francis.

I loved everything about this poem. Me and my bf can really relate to it. The word was good and so was the flow. I really did not see anything wrong with it. Another 5/5 keep up the good work. :)