Sitting here now,
Not noticing,
Intently working on something,
Something I don’t know about.
Waiting to breathe,
To move,
To speak.
Just like at dinner,
We sit,
Focusing on something,
Anything but,
The retching sounds,
Coming from the bathroom.
Mushing our food,
With our forks,
Becoming very interested,
In the dinner she prepared.
Just like at the mall,
Woodman’s,
The bank,
Grandma’s
Everywhere!
She was supposed to be better,
They said she was ready to,
Come home and back to work!
They lied!
Things were going to be normal,
She was supposed to be better!
I see you cringe,
Dad,
I see you look down at your food,
Newspaper,
Pretending not to notice,
Pretending not to hear it,
I know you hear it,
I know your pretending just like me,
Just like her,
Pretending that everything is,
As it should be.
Pretending that none of this,
Ever happened,
Why are we playing this game,
Of make believe?
Is it for me?
To protect me?
Or is it really for you,
For mom?
Whatever the reason,
I’ll go on pretending,
I’ll stare at my food,
Turn-up my music,
Think of something,
Anything that I might,
Need from another room!
I’ll play our game,
Of make-believe,
Because maybe,
If we pretend,
For long enough,
Maybe if we believe,
Strongly enough,
Then all of this will,
Disappear,
All of this sickness,
That has taken hold,
Of our family will,
Get flushed away,
With our pain......
