Sat here, itching, longing for control
My bodies aching, right through to the soul
Just one. Thats all i need
Just one. To make me bleed
Blood oozing out the slit
When all i can do is stare and sit
Frozen still. To the spot
Feeling shaky, cold yet hot
Scraping, dragging, pushing deep
Redness forms, watch it seep
Watching it, drip and roll
And all the time, i know I'm in control
All the time, i control what goes on
No one can stop me, not even mom
This is mine, and no one can change that
But why do i need to cut my skin with tat?
Push it in deep, and drag it along
Takes my mind to where i belong
Safe and happy, away from it all
Yet why do i still seem to fall?
I come back down with a great big thud
If everyone knew my name would be mud
You know i cant help it, and that bit is true
I don't want to feel like this, i don't want to feel blue
I want to feel better, i want to feel happy
But i cant, its as simple as that
*** I am a recovering self-harmer and i am trying to explain to everyone just how hard it is with all the feelings for the need of self-harming. i haven't self-harmed for a while now thanks to the support of my family and the poetry i have been writing***
