Holding On For Now

All these promises I've made before
I somehow always manage to break
And all those smiles you always see
Are so unreal, so fake

I know I've promised to stop the cutting
So many times before
But everytime I remember the promise
I end up cutting some more

Don't be so proud if you make me smile
For my smiles are never real
It's a mask that I've created for myself
So you won't see the pain I feel

These long sleeves I wear everyday
I wear without a choice
I always scream for someone to help me
But yet I have no voice

I shiver under my porcelain skin
When my father begins to get near
He's turned every single clenched fist
Into my own personal fear

I always turn to the silver blade
If I feel the least bit upset
And every single cut on my body
Has always resulted in regret

I cry myself to sleep each night
Because I lack the love from my mother
She never even likes to admit
That I’m her only daughter

Both of my parents are to blind to see
My waist thinning by the day
They can’t even see that I never eat
That I’m always in my room, locked away

I couldn’t even get their attention
After two suicide attempts made
They never have, they never will
See my bloody blade

The only people that care a bit
Are my friends who I adore
But because of their happy ways
I’m afraid to open up some more

I always thought that if I die
The pain will forever be gone
I remember my friends every time
And I find I’m still holding on

I'm holding on for now
But there's not much left to do
I'm hoping for a miracle
An ending to this depression too

*Please Vote and Comment*

© Copyright 2005