Look at me,
a Barbie doll.
shes so pretty.
plastic and fake.
pretend.
and happy.
me.
but this girl you see,
this isn't me.
i carry things inside myself.
things that you don't see.
i carry a white hot anger
and bitter resentment.
i carry a weeping spirit.
and i drag my heart on the floor.
i carry the scars of others words on my skin.
i carry a bitterness and hate.
so strong it blinds me at times.
i carry a terrible jealousy.
and plaguing insecurities.
somehow, it all turns out to be my fault.
i carry this nagging feeling
that i deserve all the pain.
because I'm selfish and i don't think.
i carry haunting memories.
and this terrible feeling of sadness.
that combines everything else,
that visits me
late at night
when I'm all alone
and i cry myself to sleep.
but still i have to keep that face.
that pretty, plastic, smiling face.
