This poem has potential. I can see your point and what you're trying to say but I'm afraid it's been said many times before so I doesn't make the poem that "special" if you know what I mean. You managed to fill it with emotion with not problem, it is just an over used topic area. Surprisingly the one thing I really liked was the ending line. I know you said you do not like it but I do. The reason is that it was different and gave off a sort of philosophical meaning. For instance “ending the rhyme” could mean ending the repetitiveness of feeling so low, either by improving life some how, or by committing suicide. Good job, keep writing.

I liked it... The ending too!!

This is what you can do about it, First of all you could write in an arguement format displaying both sides of why you feel the way you do then draw a conclusion of your self discovery letting the reader understand your set decision and why you made it. The poem will have more power with a lasting message and there is no reason to write if not conveying a thought well thats what I think check out my work you will see what I mean take care...

I thought this poem was very short but also cute. 5

Its tru-sumtimes life hits us right in the throat or stabs us right in the back---but we still cope n struggle thru even wiv the smallest bit of hope there is life and potensial hapiness. encouragin poem :)