yes, the rythm does need just a bit of help, but otherwise it is a terrific start! i liked this one! and i think im going to read part 2 now, cuz i guess that would be the sensible thing to do. stay safe, strong, and healthy!
AntiSocial16
ps: thanks for the comment on my "Today...Tomorrow" poem as well!

A great poem and well put I was very pleased. Soft but powerful great job Read Never-Ending Gift

gud poem, great topic... rhyming is a little poor in some places... but not enough to spoil the poem so great job!

it seemed rather choppy. but the message again, is very good
~Freak~

again, the way life SHOULD be. Very good. :) Peace! //ari\\