How can I do this to myself
All I'm doing is causing more pain
But it does help calm me down
It's like a "sharp" drug
That Only I know I'm taking
It dulls the pain
But the numbness wears away
So I do it more and more
I'm only taking half the drug
I can't take all the pain at once
I wish I could
But it hurts to much
Some can take it head on
But not I
I can't make the final cut
Even with half the pain numbed out
No one notices the difference
Or can see that I'm trying to be somewhat happy
To still be there with them
Of course theres no hope in that happening
How can I be happy
With a mother who's upset most of the time
A father who doesn't even care if I'm dead or alive
A sister who tries to control everything I do
A brother who doesn't really know I'm there and can't see through my facade
Another brother who hates me just because I'm in the family
If only it was a family...
Things wouldn't be this way
Or would it be the same?
Guess I'll never know.
