Comments : Unidentified Heart

  • 19 years ago

    by Poetically Speaking

    Hmm... I'm not going to say it's GREAT check mine out plz! I want to give you a little criticism. Ok, one thing you might want to do is not write the first word that comes to your head just because it rhymes. Some things just didn't fit, like "bodies frame" it sounded like you picked it because you couldn’t find anything to rhyme. I have two sources that are sooo valuable to me as a writer. One is www.thesaurus.com, the other is http://rhyme.poetry.com/ this site is a rhyming tool. You type a word in that you need to find a rhyme for. Keep up the good work. Try and read some peoples work to get a feel, and don’t stray from your own style. 4/5

  • 19 years ago

    by Robert

    I give you props on the way you set this up really well done but I think you missed the whole picture in the way you present it to your readers. The image of the man may be fixed in your mind not the man himself, But some of the qualities you want in a guy. If you were to set it up as the image of the boy you want it would flow much better. Well I hop0e this helps...

  • 19 years ago

    by Psychotic Heart

    Wow,that was crazy:P, it's so different yet nice. Keep writing :P P.s- If you need me to rate or comment on you're poems i'll glady do it:P..C'ya

  • 19 years ago

    by Chad

    Kick ass. Keep it up.

  • 19 years ago

    by VampyraKi†

    Good job.

  • 19 years ago

    by Absinth Eyes

    wow...nice.
    read some of my stuff if you get bored or something, i'd really appreciate it!
    Luv Niki

  • 19 years ago

    by Samantha

    Another very interesting view. It seems like you have more to say, but all in all it was a good poem.

  • 19 years ago

    by midnight♥lullibys

    Aw this poem was so cute...4/5 though i dunno the first few stanza's lost the flow a bit

  • 19 years ago

    by crystal

    Beautyful poem. i really like the content in this one. i like the idea that there is someone out there that we're ment to be with. great job!
    crystal

  • 19 years ago

    by Jamie

    Okay i read this over and over and i still dont get it... the only thing i can think of is you are not using metaphors and you are simply talking about someone you love but havnt ever met or you are using metaphors and are like talking about god or something i have no idea im not getting this one but it is well written

  • 19 years ago

    by Falling Up

    Hey.. i Really love your poem.. for some reason, i feel the same way, but its so hard to explain how.. its like, when there is no guy i want to be with that i know, and i feel lonely, i sometimes just think about a guy i really love, even though i dont know who i am thinking about, but its liek, i long for him, yet i dont even know who he is... but i love your poem so much... i really like the line "And if I had disappeared,
    I'd be gone, without a trace. " it brings it all togeather. nice job.. please comment and vote on mine too..!! either Reckless Emotion, or Killing Me Softly, if u have time, both haha... thanks

  • 19 years ago

    by PatheticLittleGirlxx

    OMG i "hearts" it its sooo goud keep up da gud work!!!

  • 19 years ago

    by XxTeArSxX17

    Nice poem i understand how you feel in this one nice poem keep up the good work 5.5

  • 19 years ago

    by Truest Lies

    Nice, the strange way that you consulted the topic, but i still liked it.

    Good Writing!
    beth

  • 19 years ago

    by x Saiya

    Good job, the wording seemed a little foggy at times but I loved it. 4/5 overall.
    Love,
    Niki // Saiya

  • 19 years ago

    by Britney

    Wow.. very nice poem i liked the different rhyme scheme of it.. it really mixed it up and made things interesting. nice job 5/5.

  • 19 years ago

    by Christopher Liau

    The structure was creative, i enjoyed reading it, but i have to say that i found it hard flow through the whole thing. I have to agree with oddyball that the "body's frame" line doesnt really fit. other then that a creative write.

  • 19 years ago

    by Darien

    I've felt that way before. hmm
    makes things all nice and dandy

  • 19 years ago

    by Michelle

    Very well expressed. I hope you find that special someone in your life to help you find your true happiness within your self.

    Best wishes,

    Michelle

  • 18 years ago

    by LadyPearl

    Nice topic and well-chosen message. But, work on the flow and try adding more imagery