A Hell So Close To Home

Take These Words From Inside My Mind
And Burn Them In The Sea
They've Done Nothing But Haunt And Hurt
Reminding Me On Paper I Am Me

They Take My Mothers Soul And Smiles
Every Morning She Decides To Read
The Words Cut More The Blade Ever Could
The Fire Of My Hell They Continue To Feed

Take These Hands I Use To Write
And Burn Them In The Darkest Hell
There No Longer My Beautiful Wings
Like They Were Once When I Fell

And When I'm Laying On The Floor
With No Explanation To Read
Tell God How Much I Hate Him
He Let The Devil Do His Dead

Tell Him I Wasn't Supposed To Go
I Wanted To Stay Here With My Family
But Hell Got Darker And Hit So Much Deeper
One day I Woke Up And Resented Being Me

Tell My Mother That I Read Those Beautiful Words
All The Poems She Cried And Wrote For Me
Tell Her It Wasn't That I Was Selfish Or Mean
She Just Couldn't See The Rain I Could See

Tell Her When We Screamed And Fought
And When Id Hide In My Room And Slam The Door
Tell Her Id Cry And Whisper "I'm So Sorry Mum"
But She'll Never See My Secrets Anymore

They Don't Know What Its Like
To Look In The Mirror And See
A Worthless Empty Broken Shell
And Realize That Lifeless Shell Is Me

That When Its Cold And Rainy
The Scars On My Wrist Are Blue
Even If They've Faded With Time
They Still Look So Red Raw And New

And When Were Yelling And Screaming
With The Razor In My Hand
I Pray And Wish I Could Put It Down
And Just Make You Understand

Its Not That I Don't Want A Life
I Want That And So Much More
But Sometimes I Wake Up In The Night
And I Don't Know Who I Am Anymore

Some days Are Just A Mystery
And I Cant Remember It The Next
I Keep That Memory Loss To Myself
Knowing Psychopath Would Be The Text

You Cant Imagine What Its Like
To Just Try So Hard And Remember
Remember One Single Smile From The Past
But Only See Screams And The Cuts In November

when The Only Memories You Have
Are Pleading "Mummy Let Me Come Home"
Crying So Deep That The Tears Are Lost
And Receiving A Cold Numb Voice On The Phone

And Knowing If You Live Another Day
You Hurt More The Ones You Love
But If I Take The Blade And End It
They'll Be Hurt Just The Same If Your Above

and Sometimes When The Days Are Long
Longer Than The Ones Just Been
You Wish And Pray So Hard To Sleep
But Only Blood And Pain Fills Your Dreams

Wondering What You Were Once
And Knowing Others Hold The Key
Wondering How You Smiled And Laughed
But Just Not Having Any Memory

To Cry Tears That Beat Waterfalls
And Knowing Theres No Tissue At The End
You'll Just Fall Into Coma Of A Sleep
And Knowing The Next Day It Always Begins Again

Feeling Like Your Life's A Story
But The Beginning And Middle Is Lost
But Knowing The End Isn't A Happily Ever After
And Your The One Who'll Pay The cost

And Knowing Just By Writing
Your Tearing More And More
Wishing It Was Just So Easy
To Be A Lifeless Body On The Floor

But Knowing You Cant Do It
Knowing Your Broken Mother Would Find You Then
Knowing You've Caused Enough Pain To Her
To Your Mother,Your Brothers And All Of Them

I Wonder Where People Like Me Go
When we Live This Hell On Earth
Are We Sent To Heaven And Forgiven
Or Sent To Hell for Our Lack Of Worth

And Still These Words Mean Nothing
No warmth Without A Soul Or Heart
So Take This Mind And These Hands Please God
And Throw Them Into A Hell A World Apart....

Um This Is a Very Personal Poem..So Comments And Votes Would Be appreciated..Its One Of The Most Truthful things Iv Ever Written..I Wrote It About My Mum..For My Mum..But Not Directly To My Mum...Thanks Everyone