Winter's praise

by Fear2love   Apr 28, 2005


The angels is singing as
if heaven is coming down to earth
I wonder if angels sing with
hail falling and crushing
this bashing sound surrounds me
like the sky is falling
as I fall to my knees
snow sparkle for my
entertainment sending chills
that will never go away
winter's praise heals
all thoughts of reget
never thought the end
would feel so peaceful

*if you don't like it, still vote and comment, so i can know if my poem is good or bad, can you also do that to my other poems, thanks.

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  • 13 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    To begin, I read your poem three times to get a considered understanding. I don't think you are using a deliberate voice, so I would make these two changes that appear to be typos:
    Line 1: is = are
    Line 11: we = will

    In the first quartet, as you're setting the scene, it's probably better to make an affirmative statement, and to identify the witness to the turmoil. Something like:

    <The angels are singing as if
    heaven is coming down to earth;
    *Their end of days song crashes *
    With hail falling, * crushing *me*.>

    In the second quartet, you could develop the image of heaven coming down, instead of repeating the image: "sky is falling."

    Why crawling? It doesn't tie in. Also, are you in a hail storm, snow storm? Is there lightening & thunder? It gets mixed up.

    The final quartet is a mixed bag: how should we take it? Did you like or hate the storm? Did it terrify you, yet instill in you an underlying awe? Be more decisive and choose the message to convey.

    I think with a bit of work, this could be a dynamic, interesting experiential poem.

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