What is this?

What is this feeling im having,
It feels like I no longer belong here,
Like I do not belong in this world.

Friends are there to what extent?
Do they talk to me,
Hang out with me,
Call me?

Am I but an outcast in this world,
Do I not belong?
It seems... Strange?

I long for something, perhaps someone?
Is it that I created myself,
Or one created me?

What is my purpose,
My talent,
My thing that makes me special?

Or am I to be normal another pawn on the chess board of life.
To follow orders,
To be the same like all the others?

Am I to not belong?
Am I not to have friends that are actually friends?
One that is there for me, to hang out with me?

It tears me apart when I hear this person doing something wtih a best friend,
Or a beloved bf or gf.
Is it to be that I should not have a best friend.

Someone to hang out with,
Talk to,
Anything.

Starting to all piece together,
All come as one,
I am starting to understand,
That I am to be alone.

(Yes this is how I really feel)