Did I do this?

I’m looking for something real this time
Searching so deep, deeper than before
Looking everywhere, but never finding
I found it once but now I want more

But I am falling, through my world
Into somewhere so unfamiliar to me
Falling faster, and losing all control
But do I return to this state deliberately?

Am I drowning in my own deception?
Did I spin this tale from my own heart?
Was it me who wrote this deadly story
Of heroes and villains that rip me apart?

Running through tunnels so black and cold
But was it me who made them so?
Why did I paint my soul so sinister
And let all my emotions free to go?

Suffocating on broken air, I try to speak
But find my words fixed in my lungs
The tale is told, the picture painted
Vividly fictitious tapestry is spun

Was I the one to invite the demons in?
Did I create this swarming plague alone?
I didn’t think that it was my fault
But I am so rotten down to the bone

I have given up on my search this time
As all the tales lead to me that is
But I can’t help but gasp in disbelief
Am I the one to blame? Did I do this?