You've ruined me

Everyday is just a repeat,
A mimic of ones before,
I try to ease the throbbing pain,
But it's getting hard to ignore.

"Just forget the bad memories"
Well i try, i swear i do,
But words of hate and anger,
I think sometimes are true.

I have lived all my life,
Denying the things she's said,
Pretending that i can do it,
Even though she's in my head.

Some days i get to tired,
My body feels so weak,
I push myself to tell you,
But it's impossible to speak.

It's difficult to breathe,
When i know what she has done,
To see her walking free,
I give up - She's won.

She can have the glory,
The last remaining word,
Go on Mum, tell me now,
Tell everyone what i deserve.

I deserve to suffer alone,
Because all I've done is wrong,
I should never have been born,
I shouldn't be this strong.

So bring me down to your level,
And remind me of the past,
My anorexia and my drinking,
Again why don't you laugh?

But i guess it's okay for you,
You can walk away with glee,
Knowing that you've ruined everything,
My netball, my life .... ME!

+I drifted in so many places, i just got so angry when i wrote it. It's a vent of sick emotions.+