Toy box of torture

I am not folding
under a contradicting lecture

i am not holding
this misery to entice a closure

i need you but it saddens me more
to realize that very truth
is more relevant than before

winters grasp is a claw in my eyes
blinding me from your emotions
whether it a mans orgasm or a child's cry
i cant decipher your emotions anymore

its an illusion
that is consuming my innocence
its my own conclusion
of this story that induces my incompetence

i need you but its choking me more
to understand that very rule
that i cant have you at all