Fake Smiles and Lonely Tears

I know the scars on my arms
Are the result of my self-hate
Living a lie every day
But my regret comes too late
Every lie I've ever told
With it comes a fake smile
Along with all the tears I've shed
Comes another day i stand trial
Then the tears start to fall
And i can't help myself as i grab the blade
"I'm sorry" doesn't work anymore
So these tears i then trade
I trade them for my razor
The friend that has not betrayed me
It's only downside is the scars
To remind me of my misery
Everyday that i live
Seems to be a nightmare
Wondering whether if i would die
Would anyone care?
And i know these thoughts
Are consuming my mind
Filling every inch of my soul
Though none of these thoughts are kind
I know that people care
But all i can see is my pain
And if i do live
Will my pain still remain?
These things i will never know
But my decision is to live
God put me here for a reason
Maybe I'm supposed to give
Give my life another chance
A chance for me to stay
Hoping that the pain will cease
And then finally go away
But through all these thoughts
I have come to find
That i do still have friends
And some have scars just like mine
So then i dry my tears
And wipe the blood off my blade
I still have my wonderful friends here
And them i would never trade.

~Madison Leigh~ April 27th 2005