Suicidal Love

by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex   May 8, 2005


With a delicate soul,
And broken wings,
She is left alone,
Without her dreams.
This little girl,
She weeps and cries,
She's mad at the world,
And doesn't know why.
No one can help her,
Yet no one will try,
So her thoughts are horrors,
Of suicide.
With everything to hide,
She lingers in bed,
As the thoughts of suicide,
Run through her head.
She began to dream,
With a fitful sleep,
In her head it would be,
Much too deep.
She drowns in her thoughts,
Everyday,
It's not her fault,
But she will have it her way.
She will rid of this place,
And be gone forever,
So she begins with haste,
And devises a plan so clever,
That she never sees,
Her one mistake.
This will cost no fee,
And she will never wake.
But the one thing she didn't know
Was that there was someone,
Who truly loved her so.
So now that she's done,
The lover lowered his head.
He whispered in her deaf ear,
'You were my one,
You were my dear,
And I can not live,
Without you near.'
So he took her knife,
Placing it to his heart,
To take his life,
And from this world part.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    You suggested that I read some of your older work to see how much you've improved. So, here I am reading your first poem. :]

    Okay first off, this is wayyy better than my earlier poems, however, you are right. You have greatly improved.

    The flow was really great in some places, and then other it completely through me off. The same thing goes for the rhymes. Sometimes, they were great and natural, and others they seemed a little forced.

    And broken wings,

    ^^ eek. so cliche. >.<

    This little girl,
    She weeps and cries,
    She's mad at the world,
    And doesn't know why.

    ^^ I really like this part. "She's mad at the world, and doesn't know why". I feel like that a lot. Very relatable [at least for me].

    "No one can help her,
    Yet no one will try,"

    ^^ Gosh, hun, I know this feeling so well. It's like even though you probably can't help me.. It'd be nice if you at least tried.

    With everything to hide,
    She lingers in bed,
    As the thoughts of suicide,
    Run through her head.

    ^^ okay, you've just talked about suicidal thoughts. It's just a little redundent [sp?]. Maybe take that part out? Or the other part. OR change it to some different thoughts?

    I am so much in tune with this poem. It's like you just pulled the thoughts right out of my head somehow.

    Once again, this was really great for one of your first poems. Well, I guess this might not be your first poem, but it's the first one on here so, hehe. :]

    Sorry if it was a little harsh. >.< I hate being mean.

    Keep writing and take care!
    Cayce

  • 18 years ago

    by anna

    Strong poem... just like romeo and juliet! hehe! well sorta! :P
    its cool lookin at ur early poem... u have evolved but still i like these poems!!! much love

  • 18 years ago

    by Brittany C

    I really like this poem it is like romeo and juliet. I love it. keep up the good work. another 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Esther

    This poem is so sad! it makes e want to cry *sniff* but you could try puting breaks in but it seems good without!

  • 18 years ago

    by Robie Lincer

    This is a very sad poem!
    loved the use of words, and how it flowed! it had so much emotion in it! made me wanna cry!

    Keep it up!

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