I think that the right words are in this poem, the thought is certainly behind them at least. Again do not feel that you have to rhyme, this worked ok without rhyming.

Keep Writing
Nici

That was an excellent poem great job

Certainly made me shudder...
Nice stuff...some of your best I've read so far...

[lostlaureate - come find me]

You're poems are really good and original. 5/5

I liked this alot, very dark & provoked great imagery, welldone 5/5