you could take out the last line (do not coexist) and go on and add an insult to someone to make it more angry like- you've taken away from me- i don't know the beat or melody so i assumed it was a rock feel. You could yell the last stanza. get louder as you go through it (is the last stanza the bridge?) that would make it more powerful. Remember songs tell a story-they start out soft and get louder, listen to your music and you will notice.