Reasons

In every dripping slash
lies the reasons that nobody knows
nobody understands.

i am so blindingly angry
so furious
i want to cry

but i cant cry
i am no longer able.
but something has to happen.
something has to come out.

I'm sorry
you told me to call you
if i ever feel like doing this

but they wont let me use the phone.
he will come up
and he will yell
and i will yell back
and he will punish me
and I'll punish myself.

I'm sorry i cant call you
what would you say anyway?
what could you possibly say
to change my mind?

anyway, it doesn't matter.
because now, its too late.
Ive already done it.

oh, she'd hate me now.
if i were to tell her.
but she'll never know.

i cant trust her.
like i thought i could.

but that doesn't matter either.

i can keep it to me.
i wont freak out on me.
i understand

i know my reasons.
and I'm the only one
who understands them too.

04/28/05