Desperation

Tears are streaming down my face
Finding this all so hard to replace
I’m desperate for an escape from this
Surely my blood won’t be missed

So frantic for a blade or something sharp enough
Never imagined giving up could be this tough
Emptying the cupboards in hope of a knife
Nothing can pierce my skin or this numb life

Blood red heart aches, for a cut through my skin
Just anticipate the second the blade will go in
Tired from nights of all these empty dreams
Hearing your voice through night full of screams

Missing this so much, more than a craving
Think of you here, you voice, life saving
But it’s not enough, I need to feel that pain
Crying is dire but the feeling isn’t the same

Please help me to get through this
Wanting to feel your sweet kiss
But that doesn’t change my feeling
Saddened at the rate the scars are healing

Even if I spent every minute of the day with you
My heart would still bleed, if only you knew
Running round in desperation, frenzied by tears
Never knew that quitting could create new fears

Why cant I do this, I want to smile on more
Just wishing for crimson drops upon the floor
Fighting it is useless, because I know it will win
Sit in desperation, want to slice through my skin

*sorry this is stupid, I have been trying to stop writing poems about cutting but I feel really bad and just need to get my feeling out*